maybe im fickle or something. i know i just made a switch less than a year ago. but somehow, i feel like its time to change again.

its not tht i dont wanto go u know. its like i wanto have a close relationship with God and i want to have close friendships with my friends..its like somehow no matter how i try..i just kept beating around n around..and soon i find myself back at square one..i must admit im not used to not having good frens no matter where i go..sounding abit proud or eh zi lian? no. i dont mean it. what i mean is i dun have really good frens here..and it feels kinda weird u noe..its like i try i really did..to make frens and so on..yes, it takes time..but after a few times, i just suddenly feel so reluctant to try to make it better..

i know its not all about friends..i understand..but its like friends are important right?

i really wanto experience the love of Him again..at first, after i switched to sword, i started reading the Bible and enjoying myself at worships and service..i understood and learnt from the sermons and all dat..but now..its starting to get away again..sometimes i find myself drifting away during sermon..i find myself shunning the Bible..not as in shunning but just lazy like i dun wanto read already..as in i dunt see the point..

in the beginning of the year, i promised myself and God that i will try to go to fellowship and read the Bible often at a more regular basis..in the 1st three months, i was involved in ac choir so my saturdays were taken away..when i was posted to hwachong, i though yes finally i will be able to go to church more often..then as weeks drag by, i find myself busy and yes i couldnt go for a few weeks..
after that i tried..i really did..to go and try to have fun..then i find myself wondering why am i there? i dun learn anything, neither am i enjoying as much as i did last time..
then i started making excuses for myself..i cant go..i got too much homework..i got something on with my frens..stuff like dat..all because i didnt feel like going to fellowship..

like the gd friday service? i was tired. really. but i know if i really wanted to, i could pull myself to go..but i didnt cuz i just couldnt bring myself too..

im going to the church of hope tmr..i dunno what it will be like..i wanto see what is it in that church that even pulled fung back to God..and i want to see whether it can do the same thing for me too..

i believe in Him. Lord, please lead the way. i need you in my life. i need Jesus to take the wheel from me..

jesus take the wheel
take it from my hands
cuz i cant do this on my own
im let it go
so give me one more chance
save me from this road im on
jesus take the wheel