MATH. haha. GG. ahyo i also dont know what happen lah. tink cuz i nv study and practice enough. they looked do-able to me. its just that i cant do. rahhs. i will make it the nxt time. im serious.

but thank God, really. there was this inner voice urging me: keep going! ahh. though i felt sleepy and bored and sian and i dont know how to do every qn (cept for no 7), i kept going on. haha. yes, i tried. at least i tried ok.

today's class outing was quite fun. i enjoyed myself. but the movie- scary movie 4? sorry, it really sucks. haha, usually if i watch a movie, i'll say its gd. im easily satisfied wan. but not this time, man. okay, there were some parts which were rather ridiculous and funny. but the most of it was sadistic and as fung said, tramatising. haha. but even though so, i enjoyed it. cuz of the company la (:

hmm tmr is retail theraphy day!! hooray!! ahya, but must go school for photo shoot. rahhs. nvm, i'll be guai. (: but yes, im super excited. i need a new bag, pencil case, wallet, shoes, clothes. EVERYTHING. haha. (:

yes!! i managed to upload some pictures from my phone. finally. haha yes. just putting some pictures to show how i studied. taking photos during breaks to relax myself. hahahahah. on the left is day one. coffee, ma ti su and pills (no, they are vitamins ok).
on the right is day 3. mnms (coutesy of yongsheng and fren, minghong), rose tea, chocs from shao and linxin and other random stuff. haha. only two examples. basically, the other days are preety much similar with some variations here and there. haha. so fun.


took many others as well. here are a few examples. they are some random photos. surroundings, studies, my possessions, ME. haha. the one on the left are snapshots of the magazines that are currently in my room. haha. the one on the right is a photo of my cardboard. yes, the plant is a fake. haha, but it looks quite cute lah. haha. i really dont know why im doing this now. probably just feeling super bored. hahaha. so funny. but i really enjoyed taking all those snapshots. (:





haha, last picture i'll put up. this is one of the numerous i took of myself. hahahahah. just ask anyone who took a look at my phones' cam pics, if you dont believe. hurhur.
okay, im in a HIGH mood haha. (:


haha. history was actually oookaay. yes, i wont do well, just hopeful that i'll pass. but welll, its over! and thats the most impt thing!! yum-yum. haha, that was random.

anyway, i think my maths sucks. sorry leon, looks like your treat is gone. cuz im nv gonna get that A. dream on. haha. right not, i havent finish P&C. and i didnt practice enough. sorry mr lee. sorry myself. i promise myself that after blocks (a mth after), i'll start practising maths. i will do okay for promos. yes, i will.

but yeah, blocks are gg to be over real soon. hmm, maths' the last for this wk. and the lit paper nxt week is study-or-not-also-will-die kinda of paper for me so i'lll be quite relaxed. yes. GSS is waitiing for me. oooh~ im going slp over at sera's on sat. really excited. cant wait for the movie marathon and some real chit-chat with simna, yanjun, sera they all. hmms. (:

i was doing QT this afternoon and a strange thought came to me. haha, i was there thinking, hey, actually God is like a public good. oh well, a fantastic and wonderful public gd. yes, im talking about economics. (somehow all those stuff are still in my head, surprising stuff) its like He's non-rivalry and non-excludable. no one can be prevented or excluded from having Him in your life. haha, im serious. made me really thought about how gracious and accepting He is. no matter what kind of fools or weaklings or sinners we are, yes just like me, He accepts me and will always be there for me. HAH! interesting and comforting to know that. (:

okay, going back to P&C. bye.


haha usually, i'll be mugging ultra hard for history since its my favourite subject and i wanto do well. and i would be SUPER prepared by the next day.

today is not the day. im like super not prepared for history lah. so sad. i think i forgot ALL my international history. right now, i only have the time to read through all the term papers and hope it will be sufficient to tide me over tmr. then i have to worry for sea history cuz its equally, in fact more tedious. rahhs. Lord, help me.

i shall try to slp before 1230am.
okay, extension, 1am.


econs. haha. i reaally dont know what to say ab0ut it. ahh well. it was ookaay.
i know my case studies suck. and i cant understand how come i manage to write rubbish when i had mugged quite hard. i mugg the most for econs okay. rahhs. hope to see the results lah.

ahyo, so many headachy ppl today. tracee before exam and fung after exam. hmm. must really take care and not be stressed out. oh welll. take care ppl.

why am i still blogging? eh, i came home and slept till 6 pm, so im pretty awake now. and i just saw that GSS ends on 23 July. omg. yeah!! but then most of the sales ended already. nvm. can go shopping soon!! (: anyway, gg to study for history later. right now, i still have CMC, Philippines, Burma and Vietnam. well done. today is Burma day. haha. wish me luck.

i dont know why they cant accept or even believe it. if its not true, why in the first place will ppl start it and so many ppl following it? hello?! (shaking finger) wth i was really pissed yesterday. but its okay. I experienced it, i felt it and i still feel it. hrumph.

okay, gg to watch the 18-yr-old bride show. bye.


hmm. this will be a short entry just updating alittle.

very busy these few days cuz im busy mugging, yes, lastt min mugging in school, at hm like everywhere. ok im trying my very best to do as much as possible but im not sure whether im ready for it. most likely not. haha. but yah, i'll try my best lah. am gg to disappoint mr lee for math but i promise i'll work as hard as i can.

really disappointed today that the ans to my invitation was no. felt like i let down him. its like how can you put shopping above him? rahhs. i realise i was like that last time as well and thats why i missed so much. thank God im back in his arms. yeah. i really hope the both of them can experience what i have experience in hope---God's presence in me. its a really wonderful feeling. yeahs. (:

i dont know why, i kinda like studying. ok, i may seem crazy but the thing is, once i start, i feel energized (usually) to keep going on. haha. yeah. and i like my mugging partners. they were quiet at appropriate times, haha, shared my sentiments about irritating noisy ppl, and knew when i need to be encouraged. thats why mugging is not that tough when you have God and ppl who care abt you, around you. haha, what a mouthful.

as you can see, im in a gd mood. shall end here and go study. Laos and Cambodia. haha, its not interesting, in fact its boring. but i WILL finish it tonight. (:


ENCOUNTER!!
spirit filled church. my life so changed. (:

this is really one experience which was rather indescribable. right now, im still so so excited and so high (after the 4 hours of nap i took la) the only thing i can say to summarize the whole experince is probably life-changing.

i went to the camp with high expectations, i had had the feeling that someting was going to happen, hence i was filled with such high expectations for the camp. i rmb telling tracy, telling God and telling myself that my main, most impt aim for the camp is to yeah, do as the camp theme suggests, Encounter God. and i must say that God help me achieve this and i really did encounter God.

wednesday, 070606
on the first day of camp, i was feeling alittle sian. probably cuz i dont usually enjoy camps alot these days. like, you know, boring and restrictive. i thought i would be the same. yes, it would be fun but there are stuff to obey, rather different from a Holiday. but when i stepped into PGP, it struck me that no, i dont think so. this camp will be more like an holiday, it will also be a super enriching and meaningful holiday. indeed, a refreshing one. i rmb entering the worship and praise session with a great hope in my heart. to recieve God's blessings and His touch in my life.

thursay, 080606
on the second day, the teachings gave me new insights of the Holy Spirit. and made me understand His work and the meaning of it. i yearned for Him. the spiritual gifts workshop enlightened me as well. previously, i already knew roughly what my strengths are, but this test reaffirmed it. the most important part of it is that i learnt that its not so simple when serving God. it requires a really desperate and sincere heart. and that i will strive to have. i rmb Pastor Shirley telling us about her vision that God's blessings would rain. rain on all of us that very night. she told us about her stadium vision, her thoughts that Hope will do great things for God. wow. i was like just awed and really inspired. my heart desired even harder. alter call. the altar call this time was alil special. ppl who desire certain spiritual gifts will go to the church leaders for prayers. me, i desire the Holy Spirit. i was really tensed up and confused cuz i was unsure if im sposed to go ask one of the leaders to pray or what. i stood there feeling really lost till jinqi came to explain to me and fung. den i was doubting or ya questioning again whether i'll get it or not. i guess i dont have enough faith. den my shepherd prayed for me and ya, i started to believe alittle.

as xiangg n tracy prayed for fung, i stood infront of the trio to pray for the both of us. i was already crying so badly cuz its like i really really want Him tonight. its this strong inner desire that pushed me to keep praying. as i prayed i felt my faith growing stronger as i called out to God , to ask that He rain on me , that His promises be fulfilled on me. then i felt a tingling in my gut. ok, this sounds rather weird but it SO true and this sensation will never leave me. its like shivering, or erm, vibrating. but i knew i wasnt shivering because of the cold or whatsoever, i was preetyy hot then. hmm. the feeling and intensity continued to grow and spread as i cried out for more and more of God. then i felt my whole body, right from my head to my toes. vibrating. one part of my mind kept questioning, is it you? is it you? but i kept insisiting to myself that yes, God is with me! God is with me!! and with that, that stubborness and faith, i kept praying. then i spoke out. hallelujah!!

i know myself. my weakness is my questioning nature. good and bad i guess. but in this sense, its bad. cuz i dont wanto keep doubting God. no i wont. i will keep remiinding myself and He will keep poking at me. oh Lord, i want more.

at first fung didnt get it. i was crying and asking why Lord, why? her faith is so strong, stronger than mine!! but nvm, when the caregroup leaders prayed for her later, she recieved Him as well. Amen! haha. i was so excited. oh my. im still excited. (: im serious. how exciting it is when your bestie recieves the Holy spirit with you on the same night? amazing. truly amazing.

i think God is such a great God. He just knows me So well. He knows that i wont believe till i feel something. He let me feel Him to believe. He loves me so much, how can i do less?

i feel as if im reborn, man. my spiritual birthday : 080606!!

090606 friday.
teachings. cluedo. ignite. bring it on. fun, love, fellowship, God. wonderful combination. really learnt alot and enjoyed myself throughly at ignite. jumping like MAD. its as if i had everlasting energy. before ignite i was sleepy, droopy and just tired. but at ignite. haha. jumping the whole time away. and worship was again, wow. again, Pastor shirley told us about her visions. she said that God wanted to speak to us. each and everyone. although i never really heard His voice, but i felt him. i asked for a word and the word i saw was serve. followed by love. till now, im still waiting for Him to enlightened me again. and im sure He will. for He is God. Amen! then the party started. oh man! fun fun fun. it was tiring yes but super exuberating! frisbee, captain's ball, cards and talk. oh my, i really had a gd time fellowshipping with the HC caregrp and the other central ppl. seriously, i had never sweat this way for a LONG time. (dont laugh!) haha. but i had fun. oh yeah, our group is jinxed. cuz we are SO prone to injuries. haha, Leon's prayer!!! hahahaha, rofl just thinking abt it. but thank God we came out of the camp feeling alright. except tracy. she needs rest man. God bless her! oh my. oh yes, and the hyper joanna. haha. pro-frisbee. steaming girl. haha, it was 6am when we got back and 630 by the time we finish bathing. me and suet slept, while shepherd went to look for her shepherd. im still tired, but it was WORTH IT. totally.

100606.
tired and closing of camp. again, we praise and praise and praise. i just love praising and worshipping Him. oh my. wondrous feeling.

Encounter. a truly exciting experience. i got to know God in a new way, to know church ppl as well. like yes, the central B ppl and yeah, the hwachong ppl!! oh my, hilarious. i never knew ppl like robot and leon and poofy can be so entertaining and funny. the rest are just as fun man. hahaha. right-jerk left-jerk robot. super high jump TCM. poofy eugene. puffy daniel. long and tall and crappy ys. crazy jon. and so many more la. oh yes, and i got to know qingyan and cheryl much better too. spent quite some time crapping with the both of them. dont be fooled by appearances. qingyan isnt that quiet and cheryl is not that guai. hahhahaha. oh yes, and shepherd, tracy. thank God for her. suet the sexy girl. HAHA. xiangg, jinqi, nicole, ryan, fungg, daixuan and xuanting, and other fantastic ppl. thank God for them!!

thank God for bringing me to HC and into Hope to know Him again!!
God really loves me and knows me so well.
to ppl who just happen to read my blog:




it suddenly came to me that this time next saturday, i'll be on the bus to m'sia! im rather excited since it has been a real long time since i last went overseas with my extended family. (: the week ahead is an exciting one!

im very touched that my frens cared to tag!! just like what ms lim said, i think we j1s will grow after this experience with recording. im sure everyone will agree tht it wasnt a smooth ride, but we all learnt something. and we made it through!! yes, with help (alot of help) from the alumni seniors, but we contributed our voices too! haha. (: it was a tough, but enriching 4 and half hours, recording 4 songs. but im proud that we made it through. (: the future seems to shine alot brighter now, its like after this recording, we know each other even better from concert days. enjoyed laughing and dozing off during recording, laughing over our silliness, giggling over the wrong parts, motivating each other to go on till we are done... memories. (:

church today was exuberating. im really looking forward to camp. hope God will touch me soon and yes, enrich me. i know He will, i just have to wait for the time to be ripe. (:

today is a hopeful day. (:



what rubbish lah, i dont even know why i said the things i said. i must say that this was the first interview which i was really nervous and scared. first thing, i run in late. cuz my mom la. nvm, it was my fault. anyway, i began sprouting nonsense without thinking through carefully. what an embarrassment. i just kept contradicting myself.

i think i really gave the wrong impression of the true me. its not me at all. i dont think im selfcentred, who think im always right; but instead, im always gg with the flow(even in RV). im sometimes very insecure too, and not confident about my own abilities. i need assurance. at least i thought so. :( i dont even know why i answered that way. i didnt mean to offend anyone, i didnt mean to say rubbish. could see that the seniors were really confused by what i said, and yes, very pissed. or disappointed. i dont know. i was confused myself. this is what nerves do to a person. make a confident (i think im quite) into someone who's so confused, so not tgt. this is so not me, and im really ashamed. i really hope the ppl who know me will know that the person in the room today is not exactly the real me. i dont think im what i said i was. the problem with not thinking before speaking. unwise.

part of me wants to be a somebody. the other just wants to be a nobody. is it possible to strike something between? i really want to play a part in making it better for all of us. but i also waaant to be able to take instructions. i really am not a one-man-show person, i need many ppl in it with me, so that i can lean on their support when im discouraged, which is not often. i want to feel the joy of seeing something work for us, that we do tgt, that achieve so much. thats what i got in RV. im starting to miss RV a hell alot more than before. RVChorale commitee and the Sec 4s were constant pillars for me. even when im down, i know that i can count on them to tide me and us over. thats the trust i have in them. is it too much to expect the same thing here? maybe, in the end, i will end up as a nobody, but i'll be a somebody in my own way, i'll try to make an impact in the lives around me. as a supporter at the side. if i become a somebody, how small it is, i'll try my best to serve and yes, listen. maybe thats what i need more--listening.

but now, i can go m'sia with a lighter heart. cuz i know the possbility for me is 50-50. i really want to vote, but maybe it wont be possible anymore. nvm. God will decide.

Lord, i really need strength now. im so lost. so confused. so weak.


today ms lim dropped a lil bomb and made johnny, defeng and me do some conducting to see us conduct the choir. rahhs. i was shaking man. not my usual way of conducting. but nvm, i tried and i dont think i made a fool of myself. so thats gd. i used to want to be sc, but i realised that hwachong needs meticulous ppl and thats so not me, cuz i go for overall feel--which ms lim helps us with. so, yes, i dont think the job suits me or the choir. i realised that after i went to hope, alot of my perspectives changed. i began to see things in a different light. im more optimistic and not as selfish as before. i hope. haha. really.

act, the SCs are like sort of confirmed to me. melissa, the female conductor and a guy. so since im a true 100% female, i wont be it. i think she just asked me cuz i was SC in RV and it wont look gd on me if she didnt. but its okay, it more relaxing this way. really happy today, cuz i realise tht Sops have hope le! hehe (: realised that its not cuz we dont know, mayb we do know, just dont know how to apply. and that its cuz everyone is singing in different ways. and if we keep singing tgt, keep listening to each other and not blast, we will be able to blend well. yeah, its like the root cause is found and yeah, we can do smt abt it!! hippeee!! we shld trash one day, and throw out stuff to improve some day soon. yes, then we can improve tgt. i miss suet! but she's back .there's sarah and cheryl too. back today. yeah, soon. (:

pw was good too (:

tmr's interview. lalala. not gg to be nervous like i was today. just be myself and be relaxed. it'll be fine (: i know. okay, my shepherd's hurding me to slp. so i shall go slp now. tada! (:

happy today. (: