surprisesurprise.
my head's in a state of confusion. my emotions in a big mess. i cant exactly describe what im actually feeling cuz its just kinda mixed up.
disappointment. sadness. pissed.
you didn't lie. you weren't exactly honest either.
perhaps you just didnt bother to. perhaps i wasnt trustable.
and what does this make me?
i feel quite like a loser.

the meeting on saturday made me remember many things. just as i felt super regretful over what happened for her, i strived and promised to do better, in fact to buck up in my role for her and her. and now this. sheesh. it seems that life isn't making this easy for me.

im just totally speechless.


i put the photo of you guys as my desktop picture. gosh, i really do miss you all. i miss talking, having cg and just spending time with you guys. i feel some sense of lost without you guys around me. haha, sounds weird i know but yeah, that's how i feel, really.

i didnt see you that day. i dont know what happened or if it had already happened. surprisingly, i find myself missing you too. im not sorry for that because you were part of us. im just disappointed and kinda..that you decided to do this. cant really explain how i feel or what i think, i just do.

obligations? and all the while i thought there was more. how foolish i felt all of a sudden. i cant claim that i know you very well. now, i cant even try to convince myself that i know you at all. can i do anything now? if i can, i will. but i really dont know what and how. somehow, i think of you alot, and each time i do, i feel pissed at myself. at the same time, i felt a huge wae of sadness that i cant control.

i dont know why i feel like crying alot these few days.