the war that we will win.
no, the war that is already won.

overwhelming/overpowering Love. everlasting Faithfulness.
Isaiah 16:5

jiayou fungmin!
God's gonna use this vessel to impact so many. im proud of you!

i dont know why i burst into tears when i knew that -- is coming! not because --'s someone particularly special to me, but cuz --'s someone i treasure and value as a friend alot. and also someone i've been praying for and about for quite some time. and even just now. thank you God, for showing me that it is possible. hope to see -- tmr!

i realised how foolish i was in sec 2. so insecure, so dumb, so miserable, so sad.
now i am secure in Your love.


i really like spending time with Leeyang! had a great conversation over tea, hongkong toast and eggs. on the bus. in daiso. haha. it was a great way to spend the afternoon. i learnt alot from her too. i like it that we can talk about anything under the sun. yeah. happy happy (:(:

we went around Daiso like some cheapos, getting excited over little things which were so adorable and cute! pretty and cheap too! (:(: i bought this hello kitty mouse pad which my bro totally -.- over..a small whiteboard..paper cutters..ladybird clips which were too adorable to resist. heh. really excited to be able to go shopping again soon.

i took the step today. God, it's Your turn to move!
i really want you to come.

slept for 13 hours yesterday so i feel really energised today. haha. but i should still go sleep sooon. yeahs. somehow, i feel excited about what's to come! (:(:

HAPPY! =D


i cut my hair!
okay, it's abit quirky. abit weird. abit nerdy. abit un-me. yes, i look like a mushroom. a pixie. an elf, maybe. i guess i just have to stick with it until it grows longer.

had a great dinner at Food Republic yesterday with the caregroup ppl. it was fun and i enjoyed myself! yeahs. great ppl to hang out with. the chay gui teow was really GOOD <3. style="color: rgb(0, 204, 204);font-size:130%;" >and hello, i am NOT Hagrid! (is it spelt this way?) rahhs. heh. but thanks for giving me an interesting sunday evening! (:

HALF DAY TODAY. had lunch with 06A13 at the Hong Kong cafe in Cine. ooh. i like. act the mee sua thingy and the ham and egg and the hk style milk tea. NICE. i like the food and the ambiance. the chairs are comfortable and cosy. and i like the company! it was fun laughing at people. learning the chopstick game which fungmin was so noob in. the random jokes. great day! i'll definitely go back again to try the french toast and the desserts! :D

it was plain obvious.
i'm a little tired of looking out. esp when there is little response. or a fabricated or surface kind of response. what more can i do? i've already put and gave as much as i have and i'm wondering if i'm capable of giving more. i have my own life and i want to do well too. but sometimes, i just worry too much that it caps me. quite draining. i'm still waiting for you.
once bitten twice shy. it should apply here. what i can do, i'll continue to do, but how you respond, how you react is your business. it's God's business. you've changed, in such a short while. will you take the step when i've already taken so many?

no matter what, i know God's still on my side.


the disappointment was hard to stomach and i really couldn't believe the words. i haven't felt like this for a long time and i guess the heartache was really too fast, too strong for me.
i still don't know why. i still don't know how. i still don't know what.
misunderstandings. false suspicions. but i'm glad they're all settled.
but will i ever get to know? maybe i will, maybe i already do.
but the way i hear it matters more to me than anything else.

i wonder what God gave me this for. it's a challenge to keep me on my feet, at the edge of my seat, so i have to depend. and depend fully on Him to get through this.
how to give up? how to let go when you've invested so much. too much.
but i can't stop loving. and won't stop loving.
i won't give up.

---

i really love my leaders.
they are people i can depend on, who listened to all my exclamations, my rantings and above it all, gave me advice, comfort and shoulders to lean on. part of the reason why i stayed stronger this time was because of my shepherd and my spiritual buddy. couldn't have got through these 2 days without them. spiritual friendships- they truly matter.
affected i may be, troubled i may be, but i'll get through because i know my leaders are praying for me and that against it all, God's on my side.



i wonder why i feel so many kinds of emotions these few days.
pride. joy. love. pissed. disappointment. sian-ness. hope.
they come in waves and leave quickly too. i guess im not that kind of person who will remember many things. but wells, good and bad lah.

i'm still thankful that it came. (:

wanted to share this picture that God showed me last saturday, but i kept forgetting. i still can rmb what God said. what do you think the msg was? (:


i'm super duper excited for service tmr!! yeahs. (:


ages ago, the name of my blog was called: to love and be loved.
heh. i didnt know it's actually from a famous (haha) writer/poet named Edgar Allan Poe.
so see, Yvonne Ho speaks wisdom too. haha. it's actually from a poem titled "Annabel Lee". go read it, cuz i think its really a pretty beautiful poem. very fairytale and dream-like, if you don't read between the lines to find the grotesque, ostensibly dark, disturbing, diseased, psychologically and emotionally unstable, futility of journey and the hidden vulnerability and fragility of the human world and efforts. HAHA! (:

i still live by that motto!
love is such a simple yet complicated matter. many people spent all their lives searching for love. some found it. some don't. are you in love with the idea of being in love? hmm, i guess it's really difficult to find a Love, so true and and pure and wholesome that it will not only sustain and last, but blossom and grow stronger with time.
are you looking for true love in the wrong place?

I've found my one true Love.


alot of things has been happening for the past few weeks. to me i think.
fell down, and picked up.
failed, to receive growth.
learnt about spiritual tests yesterday. think it's scary to fail tests. you feel super guilty because you know you could have passed it if you were just a little more careful and cautious.
i remembered then, that God will give us a test in 2 weeks time. i realized that i failed it miserably.
this is the biggest slide i've felt.
but i'm certain it's the best lesson so far.
God told me that it is inevitable to fall down, to feel dry, to feel weary.
but the most impt thing is to climb up. and to be back on track again.

in a sense, i'm very happy that this came now cuz i think i'm ready for this. thinking about it, i don't think i'll understand or be able to take such stuff one year ago, or even 2 months ago. precisely because i am able to take the test, to take the failure or the success, that i was given it. so i feel privileged. at least God thinks i'm valuable enough to be molded, to be invested in. yeah.
i really want to get this out of the window and start afresh. i guess it's easy to want to take care of people, to be superly concerned about their spiritual lives that you forget yours. i think that's what happened to me. i forgot that i have to take care of myself. but now i've learnt my lesson. i realized that i'm impt as well. yeps.

why give yourself more than you can take? more than you can take in a few months, in a year's time? i don't know, that doesn't make sense to me lah. but well, i want to concentrate on my pastoral ministry now. wanted to like join hope resource cuz i think it's very interesting and i'll like to know and read more books and stuff. but wells, not now i guess.

i've a secret confession. sigh.

before i end, this is something that i saw while browsing through some hope blogs. this is from yhope choirblog! quite interesting and funny. (:(:





three word:
Back To Basics


went to watch transformers yesterday!
with some ppl from class. i must say, i thought i would be some guy show. aka robots and cars and machines. surprisingly, i enjoyed it. i guess its queer to see that robots/machines can have human emotions and feelings like compassion, kindness, regret and loyalty. for 2 and 1/2 hours i was mesmerized by the smooth and cool transformations, the colourful and brilliant display of graphics and also a very fast-paced drama. well worth it. (:(:

yeah i like bumble bee.