saturday. i enjoyed myself alot.

okay, i feel that its really dumb to go wait 1 hour plus then sing, and that whole "performance" ting only lasted for less than one min. seriously, i know its impt to do a gd job and all that crap abt upholding the name and whatsoever. i just cant help rolling my eyes after the whole thing. i could have been at breakthrough meeting ok. and i want to be there since i havent been to one yet. rahhs, i will go to the nxt one this sat. thats for sure.

church. i missed worshipping. rahhs. i love worshipping. its not all about the songs, the mood the atmosphere. yes, i do love singing to and with God. but what i love more is just feeling peaceful in his presence. its like all quiet and excited at the same time. its a feeling that is hard to descibe. just hope that i'll be able to bring the ppl i love to experience this joy and love as well.

i love rvchorale sec4s-05. went out to celebrate songhua's birthday, return home late, got a scolding. but i really emjoyed myself alot. i realised how i miss just being with this wonderful crazy bunch of ppl whom i shared so much memories with. just talking, crapping sharing lame jokes or eating tgt. oh my. i really do miss them. those who werent here yesterday--simna, xiaolan, xinyi, xingqun, shatricia and others, you are greatly missed! we bought this cake which looked fake, had a THICK layer of cream which was not bad. heh. and we played a fool with the cake, victor rolling a ball of cream with his hands, and zhirui lighting a candle for the cream. heh. songhua sera and yanjun. wild crazy ppl. stood in the neoprint shop for ages, then finally decided not to take any. played at arcade, the bishi bashi ting till our hands were red, and cheating at the squirrel thing to top the score and get a fruittella. haha. i really had fun man.

i realised how diff it was. i used to put choir over class and sometimes even over social. but now, choir isnt my top priority anymore. i put class over choir, i put cg over choir. i know im sposed to feel guilty abt this, but im not. in fact, i feel happier with my classmates and caregroup frens. more at ease. there's nth to be afraid of, no stress. just pure fun and bliss.

i realise that im not spiritually steady enough. true enough, im better than last time. but yeah, i still have a long way to go. i realise i always face with difficult and complex questions which i have problems answering. yeah. and sometimes, i feel discouraged that well, why cant i ans this or that. rahhs. somehow, i feel inadequate these few days. in everywhere. choir, class, hw, personal and spiritual life. God, i need you to pick me up soon.

just had a workout. i need a bath.