i kept listening to Why by Nichole Nordeman. everytime i on my computer, that'll be the first song i listen to.

and each time, i am touched by the lyrics.

it reminds me of how Jesus loves me. how He's willing to bear the unbearable pain, to suffer the great humilation, to save me. He died to save me.

i must have said this a thousand times or so, but i cant help feeling sorry for Him. i mean, He's not dying for someone great, but dying for someone like me. and i cant help thinking how gracious He is. can you imagine? whaat if Jesus was fed up and walked down the cross to show all the soldiers that He was the Son of God? sure, He would recieve so much glory. but i wouldnt be here today, living a wonderful and rich Christian life. not free from sinning, but liberated. and assured of my eternity in heaven, knowing that He will always forgive me and i'll always try.

and God. who will give His Son to a bunch of sinners? if He doesnt love us, what was He doing?

this song never fails to make me remember Jesus' love for me and God's grace to me.
and im assured that even now, im not alone.
i'll never be alone.
cuz even if Jesus is in heaven now, He has sent His Spirit to comfort and be with me. and somehow, this gives me this inner peace that cant be found elsewhere. and with this faith in my Lord, i can continue with my life, doing my best in whatever i do to glorify His name.

He's coming. can you feel it?
He's calling you. can you hear him?
He loves you and me. can you believe that?

check out this link to see the lyrics. Why- Nichole Nordeman

haha, havent updated like for AGES. but i was busy studying. or trying to study.

its weird why im not really very worried. and i wonder why. im so behind my revision, but i am still to sleep well. to go about my daily life. and i wonder why? haha.
the answer can only be Jesus. He's just keeping me going. nudging me to go to sleep when im tired. showing a verse or two to me when im so so dry. comforting me with waves of His holy presence when i needed to be refreshed. im just so so thankful to You for being there for me every single day! its this inner peace that i felt that keeps me going (: thank You for answering my prayer requests, no matter how small they may be. its good to have You. truly.

today's lit was really useful and enlightening (is there such a word?) heh. though it was draining doing all that close reading stuff, but it was fun in a werid sorta way. hhaha, thanks to all who were there just now (:

The birds that live i'th' field
On the wild benefit of nature, live
Happier than we; for they may choose their mates,
And carol their sweet pleasures to the spring.

this is taken from Duchess of Malfi. its so sad and romantic at the same time! i cant help feeling sorry for the duchess and antonio, that their love cant be eternal. sad stuff.

well, i shall stop being emo, and get back to raju. haha, the a13 guys are allllll RAJUs. hahaha.

rmb that burden for south africa? i must say, i feared the thought of going there. i told and sort of argued with God that i dont wanna go there. but yesterday or rather yesterday's yesterday i was worshipping God and i felt so touched that i made a promise to God that if He asks me to go, i'll go. in faith. and then the word came and it was nigeria. i went to ask around.
is there a hope church in nigeria?
is nigeria in south africa?

the answer to both questions was NO. and i was really confused. serious. cuz i dont know what God's telling me. but thank God for Raphael who gave me sound advice over msn. and i learnt a lesson that God probably thinks i need. it is not ambitious about planting a church in nigeria. theres nth impossible in God. this burden. i may be a go-er, a supporter in prayer or financially. but what i really need to do first is to build myself strong and firm in God's word. and to hone my skills for ppl. i need to learn how to spread God 's word within my circle first before i venture further into an unknown territory. thank God for letting me know this. it really spurs me up to study and do well so that i can go further for Him. my current aim is political science, i dont know if this aim will last. but right now, that will be the aim im working towards.
i wanto be shining like a star!

i didnt do much today. only did monopoly. talk to me about un-productiveness. haha. but it was a relaxing day. spent a good time with God in the morn, some time i nthe afternoon just flipping through the bible and i fruitful time over msn.
i really like my life now. though there are exams coming up, somehow, im not as worried as before (i still am. esp for econs and math and lit. haha, basically everything) . i guess its cuz i know there's God beside and behind me all the way. and that i know He'll be there to catch me when im tired or weary. sometimes, a word or a verse can give me so much courage and faith to carry on. im so amazed by Him.
some ppl claim that its impossible to know if God exist, but how can i deny Him? its just so impossible to. i can feel the wave of peace and sense His presence. the words He drop in my heart. do they just come out of nth? i cant possbily grow wiser overnight! im just so so so thankful for God's decision. no matter what, i know God has the best plans for me. will i rather believe in God's miraculous power or man's foolish claims? i choose to trust in my Father.
ahhh, there's really no limit to my gratefulness to my Lord.

i love you. how this phrase has became a cliche. in songs, in movies and even in real life. sometimes i wonder what is love really? i think im a dreamy girl who believes in everlasting love and happy endings. i think true love exist. it does. think of the cross. think of Jesus and His death for us. this love really lasts forever. i rmb passion of the christ which our cg watched tgt at cheryl's hse in june. i rmb asking God, why? and the ans was i love you. now that im reminded of this again, think this is so gonna give me strength whenever i feel alone or tired or forgotten.

its late. 2 am. i pray for strength this week and lots of determination and discipline to study for my promos.
i love you, Lord. i really do.
thank you. (:

i just cant wait for these few weeks to pass. even though i havent really started revision, i cant wait for exams to come so that it can quickly pass and these few horrible weeks will be over. rahhhs.

but im starting to think of post-promos stuff to do. gonna persuade my CG to have a movie marathan at someone's. catch up with yirene, pauline and yenjeong. go out with rvchorale, plus celebrate ms simna teo's birthday. start watching my korean dramas. start reading my comics. start practicing piano again(yes, i will.). start planning for holidays. go shoooopping(yes!). watch more tv. start playing The Sims (anyone has the game to lend?). haha. SOOO many things to do!! im gettin' excited. haha.

im excited for Sat! church anniversary service at Expo. can you believe it? Expo. woahhs. just imagine the loads and crowds of ppl praying and praising God SIMULTANEOSLY. exuberating. powerful. its when miracles happen, when God speaks so clearly! im really really excited for it. something tells me that miracles will happen. ooooh~

take me, hold me,
use me, fill me.
i give my life to the potter's hands.
mold me, you guide me,
lead me, walk beside me.
i give my life to my potter's hands.

okaaay, im gonna blog about this whole week. monday tue wed thurs friday sian. haha. no lah. actually ive been studying with my caregroup since sunday. EVERYDAY. in school. and i must say, i enjoyed myself alot with my CG. they're really crazy and wacky ppl. yes, we are really noisy, esp the guys and smtimes(often, haha) i lost my concentration, but i really love this bunch of ppl. thinking about them just make me wanto cry. (:

i had two breakthroughs this week which brought me alot closer to God. im reminded of what tracy told me once, that when we go through troubles, we either grow closer to God or further. and i really thank God that it was closer for me (:

on monday, i seriously dont know what happen to me, but i broke down. i was cold and harsh to everyone who talked to me, and finally ran and sat on the toilet seat crying to myself. and i asked God many questions and really poured all my prayers, all my requests, my sorrows, my everything to Him. i knew i worried my cg, but i really needed that time with God. its when im really desperate that i really depend and rely on God and God alone. God spoke to me very clearly about his promises and adviced me on many things.

the one thing that hit me the most was His question:

i really thank God and my CG for being so extremely supportive even though i was stubborn and acted like a child. i thank God for bringing me to HC and for putting me in Hope.

my 2nd breakthrough was on wed. metamophosis. i was so encouraged when i saw the desire and want that my caregroup members displayed for God's Holy Spirit. huiying, jiexun and yongsheng. really thank God that He blessed them with the power of the Holy Spirit to experience what i had experience: peace and joy. (: when we were praying for Suet, i was just praying and a song came to me: the Potter's Hand and i just sang softly as the others prayed. the thing is i havent sang this song for ages, and when i tried to sing it on my way home, i couldnt rmb a single line of the verse! i was like ohhh my. okaay.
second thing. while praying, i felt compelled to flip my bible. at first i was like, what if it was just me? really hesitated. but then i still flipped. and i shared the verse after that. something from John. then Daniel was like i think you have the gift of knowledge, saw you flipped the bible once before too. i was like HUHHH? i dont think soo. was reaaaly doubtful about that la. even tracy was like wah yvonne you said very wise things today. haha. i was surprised myself too.

was doing QT and asking God about this today and i felt compelled (again) to read, this time, colossians. rather random,i was thinking.


i felt that this was God confirming this gift that He's giving me and is wanting me to hone. i was really freaked but surprised. i kept asking God why me? i know im still doubting, still being skeptical. i dont wanto test God by asking Him to show me a word tmr at svc or smt. but nonetheless, if this was a gift, i pray that God will teach me how to convey the msg He wants me to give. okaaay, im still scared but well. (: thankful that God wants to use me. (:

anyways, i have a burden for South Africa. was on the bus admiring trees when the thought came to me on sunday. fungmin was saying that God speaks to me alot. i must say, He always used the Bible and ppl around me to give me hints about what He wants me to know. but i think He's speaking to me more than ever, esp after monday. i think im learning to seek Him more and more. i guess its really true that the more you desire, the more you seek, and the more He shows Himself! (:

have i said that i love my CG? i really love them alot. thanks to samuel for helping me ask for my beautiful balloon. not like mr leonzyboy who got my beautiful ballon dirty and wanted to ask me for 50cents to get the B for me. hahahaha. (: although there are dumb ppl like leonzyboy, yongsheng and mr. BH, i still love them alll (: they are the first bunch of ppl who brings a smile to my face each time i think about anyone of them (: im really grateful to find Hope and Hwachong CG. love them all. oh my, im like super repetitive.

hahah, here's a pic of mr jiexun being very very lame and made. if he bullies anyone, come to me! ive another pic to blackmail him. hahahaha. (:


this is another one on one of my favourite ppl from caregroup. guess who. hahha.


hahaha. see ya all. oh my. its early in the morn. service later!!
exciting stuff maan. (:

havent updated for a while. decided to take some time off today to update a little.

this week isnt one of the greatest week that ive had, but well, it certainly was an interesting one. i got a backache for the first time in my life, which hurt really really badly. it hurt when i was climbing out of bed, walking or even when i was just sitting down. (so i could identify with eugene's back. though im sure his hurt worse) i thought i couldnt go for choir prac on wed but i held on. anyways, im much much better now, so yep. said and done.

this is a really short week. only 3 days of school. and the days were pretty slack except for monday. trchs day on thursday was quite fun. the mass dance session was filled with lots of laughter. haha, i couldnt follow at all lah. but i t was fun. i must say, the concert was VERY well planned. MCs were gd, programme was mostly well organised and entertaining. the trchs item was one of the best, really. hahahahahah. but mr ggb was shrieking, yes shrieking every single minute of that item, and i was pulling my pe shirt over my head when Mr Q sang. HAHAHAA. oohs, the hiphop was so cool please. i was really awed lah. hahaha. must try one day. i was wondering, what if social had such a great setting to work with? im sure it would be so challenging and fun!! (:

went back to rv. it was really fun walking around talking to trchs n joking with them . really enjoyed myself. though, i really missed the old rv campus in pandan, had my best rv times there. social and choir and even my classes. sec 4 was just plain crazy and dirty. you know, i used to think that if i were given a chance again, i wouldnt choose to go rv. but now that i tink about it, i had never and will never regret going to rv for the four years of my sec school education.

spent quality time with my sec 3/4 besties--yirene, pauline, fungg, yenjeong and huaiying. gosh, really missed these girls. havent had a real chat with them for ages. had lunch, laughed alot, fool aroound, got the little handphone keychains tings, took neoprints. really had alot of fun lah. after that, pauline went to her NUS H3 math class (oh my lor, so zai!! haha), and the rest of us went over to lot1 to make prints for our neoprints. yenjeong, fungg, yirene and i then went shopping and we bought a candy coloured (watermelon-inspired, quotes fungg) handphone strap tgt. super AA!! haha.

fungmin and i went to watch Click! at jp thereafter (yes, finally). please do yourself a favour and watch it if you havent. great story line. inspiring actors. hilarious jokes. emotional scenes. its funny, sad and yeah, it made me cry buckets lah. i was just crying so badly (and my nose was so so blocked) at the last part. but it had a gd ending which made me heave a sigh of relief. its really one of the best movies ive ever watched. hmms. this movie made me think alot. family over work. oh yes and i had a really gd sleep after that, cuz i cried too much and my eyes were too tired. hahaha.

caregrp today(friday) was fun as usual. sadly, it'll be the last time the J2s join us for CG. i will miss them alot. all the best to them.

okaaay, i must really really start mugging. from now on, i need to keep reminding myself of my goals and aims for promos so that i'll be focused and really work. the week ahead must be a fruitful one and im so determined not to waste and wile it away. yes, God help me!!

hahaha, yeah, svc in just a couple of hours! (: