sometimes, ppl dont see what you do. but whatever, i know.

ytd during worship, Jesus spoke to me.
"love me, love my people."
this is really apt and timely, cuz im having some problem showing love to some of my family members and some friends. no matter what, i need to learn to love more and to care and tolerate more.

why, im surprised.
He told me a promise to assure me that i wont be alone. heh. God knows me too well.

big news. im keeping long hair, or well, shoulder length long hair. HAHA. okay. this is a major decision cuz my hair is one impt part of my appearance. heh. i dont know how i'll look, but this holidays will be my "experiment". haha, im really quite excited. heh. tell me what you tink, when you see me with my long-er hair, or even now. haha. oh gosh, i havent had long hair for years. heh.

oh well, can you believe it? im actually rather excited for the college songs recording tmr. haha. 9am. bleahx, alittle early though. haha.


if i stay home for another one whole day, im gonna scream out my distress and tear away all my hair.

there are benefits to it, of course, i mean i can watch goong the whole day (im at episode 18 and i NEED and want to carry on!!!), but it could've been better spent with cg and shepherding. siannz.

retail theraphy and bugis tmr. yeppie. cant wait. and scream--i wonder how everyone will react and all that. HAHA. tmr's gonna be funn. (:


life is unfair.
when you tried your very best and it isnt recognised.
when your group tried their best and she said you all didnt.
when you tried so hard and it didnt pay off, perhaps because of a few individuals.
its not only irritating. its hurting.

perhaps she didn't meant it. yes, she wanted the best for us.
but its still hurting.
to see us trying so hard yet not reaching her expectations, let alone our own expectations.
but no doubt, it was timely.

for all those who had been sleeping, its time to wake up.
for those who hadn't been trying as much as the others, its time to buck up.
for those who gave so many excuses, its time to pull your socks up.
lets just get going! we have only a little time.
the performances, the trip, the competition. these are no longer events that are far away.
they're just round the corner.
are you ready? are we ready?

wake up everyone!
its time we work our asses off.
its time we put in more effort, more time, more heart.
to live up to our own expectations (do we even have one!!)
to live up to our name!
lets put up a strong and determined fight, to prove our worth and our calliber for so much more.
lets get that victory.

im so emo today.


i really dislike hospitals.
i dont like the smells or the looks of them. okaay, kk hospital has recieved a tremondous renovation that made it alot more cosier and all that..but i still dont like hospitals. sian, hope i dont have to go there alot next time. its a place where sian-ness, sorrow, or just plain weariness hides under the smiles and cheerful faces. duh.

GOONG! oh please, can i pon sch tomorrow to watch my goong? im like still at episode 9 and im desperately wanting to watch moreeee. whY must i go to schoool? bleahx.
but really, no matter what everyone says about SHIN, i still like him more than Yul. i don't know, he's kinda sweet. oh nvm, after reading tracy's short review on it, i really want to get on with episodes 10 and so on cuz im such a sucker for sappy romantic shows. hehe. niceeee.

gee. i realised that im quite stoned today.

i like the way the Holy Spirit assured me of God's promises today (:


you all meant it as a joke. a passing remark. harmless. an observation.
whatever.
but sometimes it hurts. really does.

i need to worry about my cash-flow now. be mindful. bleahx.

sigh.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY YANJUN!!
(belated, heh.)


nice chocolaty cake!! from breadtalk pls.

the cake was delicious right. she was so surprised. haha. im still amazed that we're celebrating each others' birthday. last time in rv, it wasnt even planned and all that. but guess as we grow older, and became closer (since distance makes the heart fonder (:), birthday celebrations have been more fun then last time! (: really do love these ppl. are we going backpacking after As tgt then? hehe.

-----

i just felt so sad. so burdenered. the weary face, the confusion and tiredness behind the seemingly joyful and cheerful front. really led me to tears. i really dont want anyone to be left behind as the whole group is growing so much. i look at him. i look at her. and im worried and i cant help sighing.
faith. i think this is something i really need alot. both for spiritual and for physical. i was thinking. hey i didnt pray for that for like ages. issit because im starting to see others being more impt? or is it that im just too demoralised by the lack of fulfillment of promise? then jonathan and daniel said the word: patience.
i didnt forget, God seemed to say, i just want to you to learn to endure, to learn, to struggle, to believe and then grow.
i asked God why?
He said: cuz i love you and i want the best for you.
i asked God again, why is she resistant? i cant bear to not see her for eternity.
God said to endure and continue working on her.

i didnt speak God's word during the prayer meet cuz i was alittle scared.
but God said, and this is not only for me but for every believer out there:
Be equipped. for the Harvest is here.

today has been an emotional roller coaster for me. i learnt to feel for others more. and i learnt that faith must be accompanied by patience. this is something that i needed to learn.

Thank you, Lord, for reassuring me.


I will be a candle in the darkness
I will be the hand of heaven above
I will be a mirror that reflects your
endless love
I will be the hope among the hopeless
where there is conflict I will be peace
Only by the power of your spirit that's living in me

This little light of mine, I'm gonna
let it shine
this little light of mine, yeah

Jesus help me to be more loving, more caring, more gracious and gentler.
i want to be more like you, Lord.



God taught me something today and that is discipline.


im so happy today cuz i found the url to all the OSTs to goong, full house and more! happy.
check it out! (:


this morning, pris msged me about auditions for an end of year production organised by some organisation. i was really interested, cuz it has always been my dream to be involved in a musical! and well i felt that i should join, or at least try out at the auditions.

well, i went to school with the inclination to ask tracee and fungmin. i mean i wanted to consult them about this issue-whether i should go or not. well, both of them didn't really like the idea cuz i will be really super super super busy if i do get in. i already have choir which will take up more than half of my holidays. and most importantly, i have church.
and if i tried and get in, i'll not be able to commit myself fully to Hope and God's work.

nonetheless, i decided to neglect that in the afternoon and even got junhua to teach me the ares dance for my auditions! i even started thinking what songs i could sing. i got so excited.

on the way home from tuition, i was asking myself again and again about the issue. there were two voices.
one voice said: Go! this is the chance of your life time! you may not be able to get a chance to do such stuff next year or even in future. plus, it will be on your resume.
i didnt know whether it was God or not. got so confused. i wanted to just set my mind to go for it.
this is when the true Holy Spirit stepped in and spoke.

He said,"do you want to work for your resume in the world--which is judged by people. or do you want to work for the resume of heaven--which is judged by God?"

i got a jolt. it dawned on me how selfish i was. how i almost got tricked by the devil's temptations using my inner desire. how lucky that God pulled me back just in time!

yes. i would forsake my wish to pursue God's will, to do His work. this sounded like a sacrifice to me initially, i wanted to cry cuz im giving up a chance for exposure. but i decided it was not really a sacrifice cuz it was my choice, God gave me a choice to choose my own life, and i chose to walk God's path and not depend on my foolishness or be fooled by my own puny self.
i chose to be in God's plans instead of being outside it.

perhaps it may seem to be a foolish decision. stupid. worthless. un-understandable.
but i think its always wiser, more intelligent, more worth it and more fulfilling to commit oneself to God's plan. to be accountable and to be available to God's calls to serve Him and His people. and i guess this is more important than anything else for me.

i believe this was a test set by Satan to drive me far from my Father. cuz if i really go for it, i'll have no time for God and may stray away from Jesus. forgive me for the strong words, but go back to hell and stay there. cuz i have Jesus. and He is all i need. once again, i believe a battle is won. victory. and im so proud of myself, really. haha. and thankful that God, through this, allowed me to see the vitality of prioritising.

im sure that God will bless me more when i choose to follow Him instead of earthly "priorities".
and im so so excited for the up-coming church activites and events. and im awaiting God to use me further for His kingdom.

Jesus, are you smiling down at me from heaven?
hope you are (:


im tooooooo tired to finish I&R.
the 3 and 3/4 hours of choir prac is certainly very very draining.

sigh.

shall go school and mug in the library from 8 to 1030 tmr.
or stay at home to do. i'll decide again tmr. hhaha.


its the first time i felt so depressed after getting back all my results.
somemore its not for myself but for a friend.
perhaps i do not know her well enough. perhaps we arent really that close.
but i know her. she knows me. and thats enough. im worried for my friend.
im praying that God will produce a miracle through her and she'll be able to stay with us.
this is the kind of time when all we can do is pray. and hope, that God will do His thing.
and that He will create a miracle amongst us.
i really do hope so. bleahx.


sayonara world.
im going to lala land.





i love the way God is using me now.

went to my ah ma hse with the intention of speaking to my aunts only. i wasnt prepared to talk to my cousins or pray for them. one of them was overly stressed, while the other did badly for prelims--she was feeling so sianned studying probably cuz she was demoralised and weary of studying which produce the results short of her expectations.

it actually started out as a normal senior-to-junior kinda discussion about how to study and all that. then i guess i started asking about their aims and goals for doing well and what pushes them to study and all that. then it poured out. i started telling my cousin (who did badly for prelims) how God will help her if only she depends on Him. i told her how God has helped me get into my dream school, how He brought me to Hope and how He has never given me up nor left me alone. i told her how my perspectivies towards life, esp studies have changed. it used to be for myself, but now it is to glorify God. and even if i dont do well, but i remain steadfast in God's promises and plans, i'll be able to shine for God.
i think i manage to drive into them the point that with God, nothing is impossible and that with God, nothing can be against us.
i urged them to study with Jesus and to truly depend and rely on His strength and faithfulness. i think both of them are touched. but i hope that they will rmb that God is always with them and that He will always be there for them.
hopefully my prayers and God's presence will encourage her(them) to move forward and to really study hard to be God's light in the world. and that through this period of tough times, their relationships with God will improve tremondously.

today i really saw how God is using me in my family and im so fired up to do more! im praying that God will continue to use me in more areas, esp in my family cuz i really wanto bring my cousins back closer to God.

tmr is math and gp. i'll be lying if i say im not nervous or afraid. i am. but i will learn to accept my grades and trust in God's plans for me. yeah.

i want more of you, Lord.



actually, open house was quite fun. okaay, to me, it isnt really for the sec 4s, its more for myself to enjoy all the fun doing mass dances and going around the school doing crazy things.
seriously, our choir performance wasnt as bad as i thought it would be! and im so glad. of course, there are many many areas that we have to improve, but well, this is the first step! im gonna try my very best to help each and every person including myself to improve, so that we can be more prepared for the competition next year.
i will not let down the RV and hwachong and not forgetting the AC name down.

i took 2 sets of Free neoprints today. Photographic Society--i love you ppl! haha, nice pictures really. first one with yirene, yenjeong and fungmin. the second with seraphina ho xin hui. they are really quite nice, really. with nice frames and cute icons. hehe. nice. i like.

had fun talking to my juniors too. oh gosh, i missed them! hahah. are they are still so so crazy. social, rvchorale juniors-- come hwachong! you wont regret!

had fun and a nice time with seraphina ho! i misssed all those girl talks we used to have. havent really spent time with her for a few months. but im glad i asked her out! haha, we must have look like a pair of lesbians with the two red identical balloons. hahaha. but who cares, we're good friends. yeahs. it was the first time i ate subway. haha, okaay, im a noob. but yes. its nice. the cookieeeee- yumyum. and those AA balloons that caused many ppl to stare at us. haha. funny. but really must thank God for this friend! love her.
dont spill sera, oh i'll wack you. haha.

im feeling honoured cuz i will be able to share my testimony-- in a write-up. im not feeling proud of myself or anything. in fact, im kinda nervous. just hope that my experience with God will be able to encourage more ppl. yeahs.
hope God will keep using me in a myriad of ways. yeahs.

im super super excited for later. yeahs. GOD, im very confident that You'll touch these hearts n change their lives. woooh~ cant wait.

today's a HAPPY day.


well okaay. i didnt do well for promos this time.

studied really hard for econs. really did. but got an U. argh. sometimes its just irritating that hard work doesnt produce any results. sian. but okaay. at least i have an E overall. though im rather unhappy, there's nth i can do. perhaps, its really not about how much i study. its time to revise the way i write my essays--no matter for econs, history, lit or gp.

i had an incredible time during lit today. my gosh, everyone, esp mr junhong just went totally CRAZY. we started reading out auggie's comments. dynamics, stresses and all that. hahahaha. it was totally ridiculous listening to all that: NO. pay ATTENTION to LANGUAGE. etc. haha. had a time of my life! it is really the First time in a long long while that i laughed till i got cramps. HAHA.

but well. after crying a lil for econs, and getting crazy during lit, i calmed down. compared to some ppl, i probably should be laughing or crying for joy already. here i am, sulking cuz i got an E instead of a C?! comparably, my problems and unhappiness sound SO trivial.
then i started to think again. its not the end. its only the beginning! nxt year's A levels will be the important exam. and right now, promos is well, to promote me, and also to help me identify my problems so that i can arrest them and do better next year.
i believe God has a reason for giving such grades now.
and i trust in His plans.

some ppl may say i sound like im a optimistic person. perhaps i am. but this strength and hope for the future doesnt come from myself, it comes from God.
with God, i know that impossible things are made possible.
if i love Him, i will trust Him.

my patience has almost reached a limit. i feel very very very bad. but i cant help feeling this way. argh. makes me feel like im a totally mean person. im sposed to accept him for who he is, but sometimes, its just alil difficult. maybe im complicating matters now. but well, i will try. God help me!


i didnt go to school today.
i was TOOOO tired to get out of bed. and my sorethroat and running nose were getting to me. and i had a reaaal terrible headache. bad stuff.
but oh well, at least i slept alot today and am feeling much much better.
just now, i tested my voice in the lift, and it sounded alright again! yeahs.

pw. okaay, everybody's complaining about pw.
wells, i dont HATE pw. i just dislike pw lessons.
yesterday's pw lesson was full of crap. actually, the school should just give us free time ALL THE WAY, so that we can deal with our own businesses without listening to anyone giving advice that we already do know. heard from fungg that quek spent alot of precious pw time today talking again, and i really felt quite sad for them. tmr's the first rehearsal for OP, and im up first for my group. hope i can deliver smt okaay. sorry guys that i wasnt around to help out. i'll try to do more.

just started reading He Chose The Nails. spent time on the bus grinning, frowning and reflecting. interesting book. was reading 1 Corinthians just now and i couldnt really understand. perhaps, this book is quite timely to solving for questions regarding Christ's death for me.

the 10th of every month is officially Thanksgiving Day for me.
every 10th of each month, im gonna throw away all my requests and pleas and worries and grumbles and just be thankful and grateful for the things God has given me.
i was writing in my QT book, and in a mere 10-15 mins, i came up with 25 things that i was thankful about! thank God for so many things. hehe.
its gonna be my personal ritual!

okaay, bye, gonna try to sleep early so that i can wake up early tmr and not be late for school! (:


HAHA.
i really really love my new blogskin. i think its quite me. many colours! i like. hee (:

oh well. i feel so loved and blessed today, or well yesterday. maf emcee was alright. but it was the end that i was so happy about. my class bought me a helium balloon. heart-shaped. so nice pls. i was so surprised, really. thanks guys.

i miss Social!
really do. my juniors came to look for me, and well gave me support in some way or another during my emcee-ing, and i was really surprised too. love them. hope more Socialists will choose to come hwachong- so that i can see them more often!! after the really spectacular grand light up and all the fun, Social went KAP for supper-cum-dinner. had a great time laughing and talking with them! Cat- always the joke and laughing-stock(haha!) gave exciting and of course, hilarious recounts of RV days with tan huizhen, chemistry prac and all that. really funny.
haha. hope we'll have a real gathering soon, i cant wait to see everyone, esp the seniors from 05 and my batch-junhong, sheaufong, mingming, cat and me. hope we'll be able to go out for dinner this sat for ming's birthday!!
this is one group of ppl, whom i seriously love and learnt alot from.
remember talentime, teachers' day, chinese new year, AGMs and all those outings?
i rmb. feeling nostalgic all of a sudden. hah.

oh well, must really thank God. although i mumbled and fumbled with my lines alittle, it wasnt as bad! at least, yirene's friend said i got fake accent. haha. but really it was Jesus who gave me all that peace and strength!
i didnt really feel nervous, i could rmb most of my script and i had quite some fun. i dont think its me, cuz im way too small and too lousy on my own. guess God really helped me through this task and taught me a few stuff about people and all that. thank you, Lord! (:

sleepover later @ tracee's!
oooohs~ i cant wait!!!