this morning, pris msged me about auditions for an end of year production organised by some organisation. i was really interested, cuz it has always been my dream to be involved in a musical! and well i felt that i should join, or at least try out at the auditions.

well, i went to school with the inclination to ask tracee and fungmin. i mean i wanted to consult them about this issue-whether i should go or not. well, both of them didn't really like the idea cuz i will be really super super super busy if i do get in. i already have choir which will take up more than half of my holidays. and most importantly, i have church.
and if i tried and get in, i'll not be able to commit myself fully to Hope and God's work.

nonetheless, i decided to neglect that in the afternoon and even got junhua to teach me the ares dance for my auditions! i even started thinking what songs i could sing. i got so excited.

on the way home from tuition, i was asking myself again and again about the issue. there were two voices.
one voice said: Go! this is the chance of your life time! you may not be able to get a chance to do such stuff next year or even in future. plus, it will be on your resume.
i didnt know whether it was God or not. got so confused. i wanted to just set my mind to go for it.
this is when the true Holy Spirit stepped in and spoke.

He said,"do you want to work for your resume in the world--which is judged by people. or do you want to work for the resume of heaven--which is judged by God?"

i got a jolt. it dawned on me how selfish i was. how i almost got tricked by the devil's temptations using my inner desire. how lucky that God pulled me back just in time!

yes. i would forsake my wish to pursue God's will, to do His work. this sounded like a sacrifice to me initially, i wanted to cry cuz im giving up a chance for exposure. but i decided it was not really a sacrifice cuz it was my choice, God gave me a choice to choose my own life, and i chose to walk God's path and not depend on my foolishness or be fooled by my own puny self.
i chose to be in God's plans instead of being outside it.

perhaps it may seem to be a foolish decision. stupid. worthless. un-understandable.
but i think its always wiser, more intelligent, more worth it and more fulfilling to commit oneself to God's plan. to be accountable and to be available to God's calls to serve Him and His people. and i guess this is more important than anything else for me.

i believe this was a test set by Satan to drive me far from my Father. cuz if i really go for it, i'll have no time for God and may stray away from Jesus. forgive me for the strong words, but go back to hell and stay there. cuz i have Jesus. and He is all i need. once again, i believe a battle is won. victory. and im so proud of myself, really. haha. and thankful that God, through this, allowed me to see the vitality of prioritising.

im sure that God will bless me more when i choose to follow Him instead of earthly "priorities".
and im so so excited for the up-coming church activites and events. and im awaiting God to use me further for His kingdom.

Jesus, are you smiling down at me from heaven?
hope you are (: