im gonna start my 40 day msn and internet fast from now on.
so expect to see me only 40 days later!

just before i go, i wanna share some stuff that i felt today.

another sign, from weiwen this time. coincidence again?
to be decided by the end of the week. my confidence in this has really grown though.
if it's meant to be, it will be.

knock knock.
ever thought what the doors/gates of heaven are like?
the doors of heaven aren't made of wood or steel.there're definitely not impenetrable.
in fact, you don't need to knock very hard. God hears it all the time. God hears it even before you decide to knock.
it's penetrable. God's hand can stretch down to give you a pat of encouragement on your head. or wrap you in His loving arms.
you'll find mercy, grace, love and understanding- all measured in terms of infinity.
and similarly, you can reach up and tug at Jesus' hand. and i know He'll let you and me do that all the time. 24/7.

busy, crazy weeks ahead.
loads of work, loads of trouble. lots of stress, lots of worries, lots of frustration. mugmugmug. workworkwork. i need to remember that the one who loves discipline loves knowledge. tired?
there's only one solution.


i just thought of something today.
i dont know why, was showering just now, and i had this interesting thought, or shall i say reminder. im reminded that the best way to bless and love your shepherd is to be accountable for your own spiritual life. is to make sure you grow, that you're stable.
have you been accountable?
have you been truthful with your shepherd?
have you been doing your QT, and maintaining your prayer life?
have you been taking care of your spiritual life?
have you been taking care, not just taking care but also loving the people under your care?
i think these are things that i constantly ask myself. no whys, just like that.

i think the spiritual atmosphere in svc today was good. (:

had a great time with yanjun, simneh, victor and sera yesterday. though i vomited the guilin jelly and agar agar from the mini-competition, it was all good fun. the science park tour was good too. heh. really felt like a little kid and enjoyed myself immensely (: love you guys. <33

another sign yesterday! was talking to sera yesterday about me wanting to go to UPenn. then she said she was surfing online and looking a series of houses from this particular school cuz they were so nice. and she'll want to go because it'll be so nice living there. she said she wasnt sure which school it was but some Wharton School. Wharton School = UPenn right?
i was like wow. okay.
and my confidence and assurance in this issue increased. as suet said, God's showing me quite a few signs. but im still giving myself one week to decide. and when i say i will try, i will do my best. a promise. (:

im gonna start this week with Jesus! (:


oceans will part.
i like the waters. i enjoyed my day today because i met God in the morning. my secret place with God. the place that is near the sea, yet not at the sea. where you can feel the sea spray, the sun shining and warming your skin. where you cannot see where the sea or the sky ends because they just merge so beautifully. blue on blue. where you can lift your arms and face to the sun, to the sky and feel the light breeze caressing your cheeks. the freedom. the hope. the light. it's a really wonderful place.
my secret place with God.

my worries and burdens i left there. most of it. taking away more, refreshment. and new-found confidence and assurance. i cried out. i praised. worshiped. prayed.

sea of love. deeper than the deepest ocean or sea or waters.
sky of grace. wider than any stretch of sky.

there i asked for a direction, for a sign. a clear clear sign.
as i was talking to Fungg about it, asking Suet abt it, it came through an unexpected person.

"Yo i know this is random. But i was reading your blog. Ya miracle rite. But i just wanna say that i also wanna go upenn! And i know if its Gods plan we'll go tgt:)"

coincidence? i don't think so. scared? very.
but i have confidence that if this is God's will, it'll be done. me- the vessel to be used and flowed, pushed to where and who needs me the most.

good day. when you spent your day with Jesus. the week ahead will be the deciding one. i will continue to look up for vision, for signs. around for opinions, for comfort and encouragement. to some people, this dream may be foolish. but it's not. and i know God thinks it's important too. wherever He calls, i will go. wherever i go, there He'll be.

secured.
and desiring to be more than just myself.


heh, i'm taking a break from doing lit essay! i don't know why my paragraph is so so super long. it's like im taking up one page for one paragraph. at this rate, i'll never finish my essay! it's okay, i think im just gonna try my best and see how. (:

think God has special plans for each of us.
it's human nature to want to know what's in for us..but well, life can get boring if we know what's gonna happen to us the next moment right! i just realized this, and understood God's rationale for this. He wants us to depend on Him more. if we don't know what's gonna happen to us, we'll have to trust him and rely on him more, so that He can make things right. make sure we're on the right track yeah. makes more sense to me now why God doesn't want to reveal everything to us all the time. yepyep.

catch up.
aim high!

4 words that i'm gonna remember on this fight to do my best! =D


short post cuz im gonna fall asleep any moment now.

i still havent finished my history but im on the way! i want to do a complete essay outline, not his style but that means ive to do more research. duh. but im too lazy lah, dragged too long.

over the weekend, i kept thinking about what's in for me after hwachong. i guess all these was spurred by the US/UK talks on Friday afternoon. i saw the college which i saw in the earlier part of the year. havent done much research on it, nor have i checked other colleges..but i know that if i'm going, i want to be there. UPenn. a dream.

i started wondering what it'll be like. and then i started asking myself what God wanted. then i asked God. my logical deduction is that if im to go overseas, if God wants me to go, He'll give me a scholarship because He knows that my family can't pay for me. and i don't want to burden them. but well, Fungmin reminded me on Sat night that i wouldn't know. cuz God would work in ways i can't predict, that i can't deduce. God doesn't work as i do, or think as i do. since i'm not God, then i shouldn't think too much.

the closer i am, the fewer the choices, the easier the choice.

i guess the only thing i can do now is to yearn and want to get closer to God, so that He'll revela His plans to me. but then again, i suddenly rmb what Tracy told me that day, that it'll be quite scary and un-exciting if i would to know everything God has for me, right? and i would try to escape, and go opposite directions. makes alot of sense right.
as i was trying to do history just now, Raphael came to talk to me, and what he said was really God-sent.
aim high, aim to do my best.
at the end of the day, God will take me to where He wants to.

that was exactly what i needed.

listening to You are the Music in Me. from High School Musical 2. haha. yes, it's not out yet, but i downloaded it form youtube, cuz it's really too nice. haha. it's really very sweet. haha. and when i read the lyrics, yes nice.
and i think it reflects what Jesus is to me too. very sweet. in this cause, Jesus' music and Joy in my heart (:

the msg God told me last week is still clear: CATCH UP.
God, here i come!! (: