X29.
i think this is one camp which i started out really badly cuz i was feeling spiritually dry for so long but i received the most out of the four camps i've been to. to me, this camp was more relaxing prob cuz i wasn't really involved in any ministry or performances or serving, but i think God gave me this time to get to know my new CG so much better and i can safely say that this camp really bonded us quite well. i really am very grateful how God has never given up on me even though i may be like a pile of rubbish. yet He chose to give me new opportunities and chances to meet new people, and to be challenged by the different teachers and also by the people around me.
i saw the miracle with the keycard. i saw visions once again. i could feel God's presence so clearly once more. my first truly and extremely spirit-led worship when i really followed the directions of the Holy Spirit. funny how this isn't my first time at camp, yet it reminded me so much about being new again-an objective i had for camp. so yeah. happy.

sometimes i see the people around me doing stupid stuff and i feel like ahhh, why are you doing this? why are you ruining your life, ruining other people's lives and causing so much worry and trouble to the people who love you? i find myself hating a particular someone for being , hmm how shld i say this, hypocritical. about him declaring, surrendering, choosing to commit during altar call yet say extremely different things the next moment/day. it sucks and im so angry about it. who are you to make promises and commitments you dont even want to try to fulfill?
in a way, it really reminded me about being faithful to the promises i made to God and to my ministry but really, im still pretty pissed. why choose to stubbornly live the life you plan out for yourself when you know, you know it well that God may have an even better plan for you that will help you achieve your fullest potential and to live life to the fullest? i just don't understand.

another thing i realised is that bgr really screws people up big time. ahhhh. i look and think of the person(s) i know and im like why?! i understand the temptations and raging emotions, but i cant understand a need for a physical manifestation of love when one can feel it so much and so overwhelmingly from God if you choose to seek Him. AHHH. sucks. i think im being rather emo here but there are some things on my mind that i can't stop thinking abt. anyhows, this camp really thought me to learn to be more secure and steady in my relationship with God and my caregroup especially.

im going to start street evangelism in the land tmr and im pretty excited and at the same time nervous about everything. i know im supposed to be like sanguine or something but i still need God's empowerment to open my spiritual eyes so that i'll be more effective. yeah.

i dont wanna be hypocritical.
i dont wanna be a lukewarm, halfway kid.

i choose to obey.
i choose to commit.
i choose to deny my life, to take up the cross and follow Jesus.