i was holding back alot of emotions and feelings for the past few days and now that i finally allowed myself to even think about it, im feeling mixed feelings.

i thought about the days we had cg after school.
the times we chiong for church after choir.
the times we sing and praise like nobody's business in nexus during metamorphsis and services.
my first time at camp when we stood tgt in a group and shouted "hwachong"!
the cards i received on my birthdays, before SYF, before concerts.
the pats on my shoulder when i was feeling really down.
the times we fool around outside the LT making shadows with our hands.
the food we had at dinners at newton, jing ji, canteen, meridian, s11..
the impromptu lunch or dinner sessions.
the studying sessions at coffeebean, starbucks, marksnspencer, esprit cafe, school library, reading room, concourse, serene macs, rooftop..
the prayer meetings at basketball court and the secret place above the canteen.
the different church camps we had tgt.
....my family.

many many many memories of the times we had together as a hwachong caregroup. it is in this place where i really grew up, mature alot. learnt to be more compassionate, more loving, more sincere. and to be happy just being myself. because they love me for who i am.
im so going to miss all of them. everyone of them.
the hwachong girls, the guys, plus the other unit grads. i cant say that i was close to every single person in the grads group. but i will definitely miss everyone.

and you know what, im already missing her. i cant express how i feel very adequately. but i really appreciate what she has done for me. how she has supported me and never giving up on me. how she believed in me and what i can be. she has always been my pillar of strength and i look up to her alot. even though i didnt get to spend alot of time with her this year, i knew that she'll be right there when i need her, just a msg or call away. thank you my dear shepherd, Tracy.

i feel alittle empty now. perhaps cuz im feeling a little left behind and that my support pool as decreased overnight. but i know i'll be fine after a while.
i'll still see them around. i'll see them later in the year when my part is done here. and yes, at the end of the race.

thank God for all of you.
i love you guys, alot.


im very annoyed when:
people are gossiping, throwing 'secret' looks at each other, smirking..
people are rude and disrespectful when it is basic courtesy to be respectful towards another, let alone someone of a higher authority..
people are gossiping (again) when they dont even know what we are doing, or spending our time doing..

but for these:
people who asks for help sincerely..
people who are cordial and really very helpful..
people who are friendly but show that they respect you as a person, a senior..

i will continue.


i was just talking randomly in 1A today and i suddenly thought of the phrase i got while watching half of Sydney White yesterday:

Sometimes, people underestimate the majority and overestimate the elites.

and i thought. cool.
this shows that teenage bimbotic comedies can have insightful stuff too. haha.
imgonna continue watching it tonight. it's quite funny. haha. (:

going for another round of classes again. vroom..!


i feel broke.
not because i really am but because i forgot to put money in my wallet. plus there's no value in my ezlink card. oh no, how am i gonna survive today?!
siannz.


haha! i just changed my blog skin. i think this expresses what im feeling recently.
loved and freed.
yeahh. university and scholarship applications are making me quite cranky. i cant do anything much because im so busy with them. so ive essays not marked, marks not checked..plus loadds of things not done. sheesh. hope this will all be over sooon.

im so excited for the thai camp. omg. im just going crazeee thinking about it. hahah. hooray!

alrights. i think i should go look at some essays, hopefully change some marks, and maybe watch a movie later. to reward myself.

school tmr.


haha so many different photos. from different places. haha, i like having my own camera. and this lumix has this intelligent mode for noobies like me, so we dont needa learn and fumble with adjusting the modes to get good shots. haha.
i just finished my korean drama series: one percent of anything. good show cuz its funny, entertaining and it moves me when it talks about the love within a family and among ppl. interesting.
some pictures here:

im excited for service!

i realised something again today.
Christianity can be practical too. i used to think that some stuffs are quite idealistic and i mean its unachievable, unattainable, and basically not very practical for daily living. too saintly maybe.
but seriously. the qualities, values and attitudes that i learn in church, shepherding and cg can be practised everyday.
i was just writing my psc personal statement:what are some values and beliefs that you hold strongly to?
and the values and stuff that come to me quickly were: passion, pursuit for excellence in all areas of my life, commitment, joy and optimism...and so on. and i was thinking, oh my, this is exactly what i learn in church and through my walk with God. and i was totally amazed and fascinated.
so cool. haha.

though work can be tiring, frustrating, annoying irritating and taxing, i'll rmb why i want the job in the first place.
and remember my name.

my name is taesha.
taesha means joy.


finally finished.
oh my gosh.
sitting at the kitchen table, keeping my head bowed down, frantically flipping, writing, noting...with a cup of tea and biscuits at my side, sometimes with the soothing, comforting Christian music from the earphones i put on..
sounds familiar? i find it really familiar. it feel exactly like studying and mugging for block tests or smt. and i thought those days are over.
haha. the life of a over-worked relief teacher.

having a backache now must be the horrible position i was in for the last few hours, or days? haha. anyhows, going nus open house with luanie later. im having a headache cuz of the scholarship and university applications. so sian. and they're like driving me crazzy.

going to talk to ppl a while more and watch another episode of my korean drama. to reward myself.

yeah service later! (:
"son, do you know I still love you."


im very grateful.
amazed.
thankyou God.