my blog is totally stale. but i need to post some thoughts.
this week is such a stressful week. i've got so many things to think about, to do, to plan, to buy, to go. and it was driving me crazy.
the nus modules and bidding system is so confusing-i read about it, called ppl up about it, talked to ppl online/in person about it, and to me, there are still certain things which i cant get. whatever it is, im just glad that i got pre-allocated modules. all i need to do is to bid for the rest-which are not easy to choose. and it stresses me out.
ministry wise, i think i've been taken out of my comfort zone so much these few weeks that yeah, im kinda stunned by it. like woooh--this is the extent of heart, effort and mind i need to put in. i've never expected it to be like this. and frankly, i do get tired and disappointed and sian about it. like a rubber band. when it's stretched, it's taut and strained and that's how i feel sometimes. but at the end of the day, i will remind myself about the reason behind it all and i will be fine.
i cant claim that i understand everything. i can say that sometimes i dont feel like understanding everything. understanding will require a response and it can get challenging and tough, somethings i may not wish to do.
did i make the wrong choice? i dont know. certain questions and stuff do make me feel like im making a wrong choice. is it wrong to take a chance? i need to set my mind straight again before starting school. stop thinking and overthinking about things and incidents and comments which increase my self doubt.
i dont know whether im understood or not. maybe not. but whether im understood or not, some reactions certainly pile the stress up on me.
its just the beginning and im already starting to feel the heat. what's going to happen next?
it has been a mad rush these few weeks. maybe i havent taken some time for myself in a long while. maybe i need to take the rest with God again.
i hate wallowing in self-pity.

i must rmb that im God's Little Princess.


i cant believe i cried so much over a taiwanese drama. my goodness.
but this recent episode is really quite heart-wrenching. i havent cried while watching a romantic comedy for quite some time so hah. okay wells, i guess im still easily moved.

i cant wait for camp. driving me nuts thinking about it. HAHA!

should i go for the sheares/ arts camp! hmm. need to think about it!

okay this is quite a random post.haha.


eee. i just realised that im missing alot of ppl. and yup these names are starting to pop out in my head. i should start my visits. HAH!
busy week ahead:
monday-gotta go back rv, wordforlife, dance class
tues- free for now.
wed-wordforlife, tuition
thurs-free for now.
fri-CG?
guess its not as busy as i want it to be. siannnn.


i finally finished the Qin Shihuang thingy. oh gosh. yeahh.

the past week has been a busy one. sending mr alex off, dance class, east coast park, word for life, restless, service...okay, i'll rather be busy than bored. and yes, unemployment is starting to get to me. so yup, im sooooo hopeful that im going to get busier. haha. weird huh.

sometimes, i simply dont understand and im very mad. and irritated. and i cant stand it. i dont understand the motives and i feel frustrated. bleahhh. maddening. i guess i havent felt like this for some time. bah.

okay, as much as i regret saying this, i miss Queen Ant. haha.


i feel very blessed cuz of many things.

firstly, i'm glad i went to send alex off yesterday. i think the look on his face which expressed appreciation was worth the changing-buses-then-cab-trip home. i mean i must admit that at first,i was hesistant to go in the morning, but well. i went in the end and yup, i felt happy i went.

second, my mom didnt know i reached home at 1 plus in the morning. i was half expecting her to be waiting up for me or tolike scream at me in the morning- but she didnt, so yeahh.
third, i got the mica scholarship! i think its a blessing/ a miracle. i rmb thinking that its quite divine cuz i went for it on the day of my first day on the thai trip. managed to go first on the interview and rush to the airport in time. yupps.

fourth, when i was praying today for the fasting i was doing, i like made up this song, inspired by how i was feeling at the moment. its not very good, but yup, i like it that i manage to record it down in my phone and even try out the arrangement on the piano.haha.

yups. loads of blessings in one day. and im very very grateful so yupp. thank God. (:


how do i explain? i dont know how to express this but well that response really got me -.-. im quite annoyed now and its giving me a headache. how do i explain why it is actually not a small thing but quite a impt thing for me?


and it has to be this last lesson. why do you have to piss me off.
im disappointed, insulted and very angry. not just because of the act itself, but its the fact that i thought you respected me enough to be more sensible, and to know that i hated this kind of things. i cant and wont take this kind of rubbish.


i guess i forgot about what Pastor Peter said about what i need to pray.
the wall msg actually reminded me of it.
PEACE.


you know im SO annoyed now. and confused too.
is this a sign of a closed door?